Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Unsettled and Unsure ...

Do women have mid-life crises? (plural of crisis ... don't know proper spelling and too lazy to ask Webster) If so, I think I may be on the cusp of one ... I've been through enough in the past 4 years, you'd think I'd have already surpassed it, but I don't think so. If I could describe how I feel right now, it would be ... unsettled. The job I'm in right now, I'm purely doing it for the $$, not because I totally believe in it. I don't particularly enjoy it, but then, who ever said we get to enjoy our work? Where did I come up with that idea, anyway? I don't loathe it .. it's "just a job". Being a nurse, I don't like feeling that way. As a nurse, I like to know that I'm making a difference in peoples' lives. Unfortunately, the economy is dictating things at this point.

If you follow my blog, you know I was looking into a Hospice job a few weeks back ... I interviewed, and was invited for a 2nd interview, so feel the job could have been mine, but ... I balked and backed away from it. Reason 1) turned out to be a PRN position, not full-time (though with the promise of becoming full-time eventually). Reason 2) it didn't feel right to me. SO, I'd decided to just pursue a relief position at my old hospital for extra money and stick with my current job and "make the best of it". I was OK with this ... till yesterday.

Went and filled out my new-hire paperwork at my old hospital ... I'm a "re-hire", so was able to forego a lot of the new-hire hooplah. Sat down with my old Supervisor, Ms. L, and she nearly broke down in tears, she was so happy I was back in the picture. Things on our floor have been declining over the past year, which I knew about, but apparently worsening over the past 2 months ... to the point where 2 of our busiest Surgeons have asked for a meeting with Ms. L to figure out what's going on and "what can we do to help?" ...

Now here's the part where I sort-of toot my own horn a bit. I've been gone for a little over a year ... when I worked there as the Charge Nurse, we had a pretty good flow ... the docs had faith in me .. the nurses had faith in me .... now, don't get me wrong, sometimes I felt like locking myself in the bathroom and crying, it was so busy and seemed unmanageable, but for the most part, it was good. Another Charge nurse stepped up when I left .. she was OK, but the staff and docs didn't like her as well ... she was abrasive at times, and actually refused to "go that extra step" for the nurses, as she felt that I spoiled them. Well, she left back in August to try the travel nurse thing ... since that time, it's been a disaster on that floor. Even the Hospitalists are complaining about our care. The times I've visited, I've noticed the low morale amongst the nurses. For the first time, I noticed it yesterday in Ms. L.

Everyone was glad to see me, and even more glad to hear I was returning, even if it was just 1 day/week. Ms. L asked me what it would take to bring me back on full-time ... I gave her an hourly range and she will be presenting it to her supervisor. I got caught up in the moment and really forgot my whole reason for being there ... to make EXTRA money ... if I go back there full-time, and they give me the least of what I asked for, I'll be making about the same $$/month as I'm making now ... now, I know I could pick up an extra shift/week, but we're talkin about another back-breaking 12 hours ... BUT approximately another $400/shift (after taxes). I would be working three 12s/week (36 hours) ... with most likely the option of the additional shift, if I wanted it. Not bad ... again, comes back to the money. But also, involves working only 3-4 days/week (and home by 8pm daily!) ... 36-48 hours/week ... My goal is to get these damn credit cards paid off within 5 years.

When I got home and actually thought about things, my thought was to, again, stick with my current job and make the best of it ... do 1 shift/week at the hospital, which would be around $250/shift (after taxes) and just be faithful about working on the debt. This would mean working 5 days/week (four 10s at current job, one 12 at hospital)... 52 hours/week. So .... I'm UNSETTLED. UNSURE. But thankful to have options. Just wish I knew exactly what to do.

Sorry for the long rant about work stuff ... when I started this post today, I had no idea it'd turn into such a long one! Good to get it all out, though. Actually helps to read it and see it in black and white.

As always, any input is welcomed. Happy HumpDay to ya'll. :)


  1. Wow,,unsettled and mid-life crisis are two terms I've been repeating for the last couple of months. And strangely,,other people my age are going through it too,,so it must be real.
    Marce, where's your heart? I know money is a neccessary evil,,,but where do you WANT to work? Seems like when ya start making the money you've worked hard for, you find out that the "top" isnt a good place to be for various and assorted reasons. But then, it's too hard to go back to where it was comfortable in the heart, but not as much in the pocketbook. I have no answers for ya kid, Im in the same boat. But if you can afford to do what you want to do, even if it means paying the debts back a little slower, then do it. At the end of the day, it'd be nice to say "yeah,,I made a difference". Good luck and know that Im thinking of ya!

  2. My advice would be to make sure you have enough money for essentials (food, clothing, rent... That sort of thing). And as long as these things are covered, don't worry too much about the money. Worry more about whether or not you want to be doing the job. Too many people do a job just because of the money. But - in my opinion - people perform a job better when they enjoy it. So, if you can afford to do something you really love, then do it. Even if it's less money than something you could do but wouldn't enjoy as much. By all means take the better paying job if it's what you REALLY want to do. But if it isn't then don't. Don't do a job just for the money or to please someone else. Not when you can avoid it. Follow your heart, and do what would make you happiest.

  3. I would agree to do what would make you happiest. Pay minimum balance if you have to on those cards. Yeah, its nice to have no debt, but it's even nicer to be happy. :)

    And mid-life crisis with the unsettled feeling, I've got it, too. You aren't alone. I will be around if you want to talk. :)

  4. ......go with your heart. and do what you ca afford....
    as you know I only work 11 hours a week and money IS tight..but your happiness is more important......
    do what you want

  5. Go with your "gut" feeling -but- It's wonderful to be needed/wanted at the old job.

  6. I have something for you on my blog. :)

  7. Have you given up on this place???